Finally, I have arrived. Sorry ladies for the delay. Mr. YES!!!
This next topic is one that will require a lot of your input by the end. It's something that men always have a hard time grasping because for the most part its something we rarely do. Ladies answer this for me, How come we can go to a restaurant and the one time you get a bad meal out of the hundreds of times we've been to this place your thought upon leaving is "I'm never coming back here." How come it is so easy to leave and not have the slightest regret about not returning? Do you know where this is going...??? Yes I'm talking about the dude that is a complete A$$hole but you go back time after time like a FREAKIN...umm... freakin..GOT DAMN IT I don't have a name for it but you know what I mean!!! It pisses me off because the other side to this story is that there is a guy you always come running and crying to after he plays you. I HAVE BEEN THIS GUY!!! And I must say the first 5 times you came to me sobbing and in distress I genuinely felt sorry for you. I gave you honest unbiased advice and it seemed like you were on the path to enlightenment. I have never been more WRONG in all my 34yrs!!! Now I have to be brutally honest because I'm starting to feel like the thing I don't have a name for because I keep listening and comforting you. So let's break this down:
1. Dude gives you good d__k. I understand you are completely weak because to you the sex which you think is love is soooooooooo good. Guess what??? He has this same type of sex with the chic he is really into.
2. He has all the physical attributes. TALL, allow me to digress for a second, WHAT THE FU@K DOES TALL HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? Are you planning to play basketball with this dude every weekend or something? Do you like being in the movies and instead of laying your head on his shoulder you would prefer his elbow because he is FREAKIN 6'5"!!! Sorry just never understand that but its a quality on quite a few lists. Muscular/In Shape understandable.
3. HE is so funny. This is not completely your fault because humor often makes people comfortable so because of this you are more vulnerable and accepting of a$$hole behavior.
4. You just LOVE him and though you try to break it off you just CAN'T!!!
That is the biggest BULL$H#T EVER!!! The truth is that YOU are really SELFISH!!! YES YOU ARE SELFISH!!! It has nothing to do with the dude and how much you love him. You have painted a picture of the guy that you always wanted and YOU have made this guy into him. So no matter how fu@k#d up he is, you will continue to give him a pass until HE MOVES ON. That's right you will give him a chance no matter what Because you want what you want and It's HIM. When he wants to go, you'll cancel your plans and go. If he doesn't like one of your girlfriends you'll be extra careful not to tell him about when the two of you went out the other night. ARE YOU SERIOUS??? Who is this guy??? You are selfish because you get all the physical on the surface things from him and get all the emotionally comforting nice guy qualities from me. You have the best of both worlds. Well, guess what I'm dumping you!!! Not because I don't care about you but because you would do it to me for HIM and you wouldn't think twice about it just like my favorite restaurant!!!
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Sometimes it's easier to enable others to victimize us than to step out of our fear and into our own skin. Sometimes its less scary to be in a bad relationship with an asshole than to begin a good relationship with yourself. Sometimes its easier to stay afloat in the froth of drama than to drown in the truth. Reality is thick and difficult to navigate. Sometimes its easier to stay in the matrix. There comes a point where we have to decide to be a good friend. a REal friend. One who lives in REALITY. And the reality is that we all have a choice. I choose not to enable myself or my friends to pass the blame for a choice they continually make. Move on. Cut ties. Yes - please mourn. But keep going.... When you're going through hell DONT STOP. Move through it and drop the bags as you go. Live free and make new choices. Maybe you will think I'm a bad friend if I tell you the truth that you need to let it go and that I've given my opinion and choose not to enable you to stay mired down. If you choose to stay mired down, I choose to leave. It's all in love.
ReplyDeleteWow! First post I've read here and it really made me think. Great blog!!!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I'm not the type of woman to stick around in these situations... trust me, if you are an a$$ to me in the slightest, you will be kissing mine on my way out your door... I do have many friends who are like the woman you describe in your post.
For starters, men are not restaurants... hopefully. I would imagine most women consider their choice of significant other to be more important than where they eat. They also have time invested in a relationship and may consider that although their man has acted like an idiot once, the entire relationship is not worth giving up on.
Having said that, if the guys is a repeat offender, you are better off without him. Why would you stay?
For sex... ridiculous... any man can be trained to pleasure you in bed.
For looks... c'mon... even movie stars get dumped and they're probably far better looking than whoever you're with.
For a sense of humor... there are comedy clubs if you really need a good laugh, and plenty of funny guys out there that won't treat you like crap.
For love... simple... if you love yourself, you will expect a person who loves you to treat you with respect and kindness... dump the loser and learn to love yourself so you can find someone who will treat you well.
Oh... and don't ever eat at that restaurant again... it's not even remotely worth the risk!
Lynsey thanks for your insightful comment. I can tell you are a friend thats not going to tell the party involved what they want to hear but tell her what she needs to hear. If more women would listen to the friend that has their best interest in mind instead of thinking "oh she's just hating because she doesn't have a man" they would be in much better relationships.
ReplyDeleteBecky thanks for your comment as well. Glad we made you think lol. The use of the restaurant was only to draw the comparison as men see it. The restaurant wasn't so much the point it was more so the commitment level of the woman involved to the a$$hole. So much so that she was willing to slight her friends in order to appease the guy. Keep reading and letting us know your thoughts ladies, it's appreciated
Mr. YES!!!