Friday, May 21, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
"I CAN'T STAND YOU, HE MAKES ME SO SICK, I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!" These don't seem like the sentiments of a long-lasting romance, more like the last words he/she heard or stated as the gun went off and the neighbors are left bewildered saying "but they seemed so happy." What is it that drives a wedge between a relationship that we initially thought held so much potential and promise? If we both believed we were building something great when it begins to crumble whose to blame? And if we feel the car speeding towards the edge of a cliff will we both try everything possible to stop the oncoming disaster or will we step on the gas in hopes of the fiery end to our misery? The question that needs to be proposed is "How did we get here" For the sake of understanding the points made let "I" represent "men" and "YOU" represent "women". So in the beginning YOU thought that I was sweet, considerate, thoughtful, attentive blah, blah so on and so on. For the most part everything YOU were looking for YOU were confident that I had or had the potential to attain. I thought that you were intelligent, independent, supportive, caring, beautiful etc. These qualities alone were enough to get us through the first year without any major setbacks. In our 2ND yr we faced a few more challenges but for the most part it was smooth sailing. The 3rd year is where things become CRITICAL!!! WE are settled in. WE are both comfortable with each other. WE have grown, had numerous experiences and memories together. So what will put US on the road to DISASTER? In this 3rd year WE will face a challenge. Some problem or adversity will arise that will require both of our full effort and understanding but WE won't pull together and resolve this amicably. I will feel like I gave to much, YOU will feel like I didn't give enough, and ultimately WE will both LOSE. This is where, the previous 2yrs of our relationship was part of our downfall, we didn't have any experiences dealing with characteristics in one another that WE absolutely COULD NOT STAND!!! WE thought that WE loved everything about each other but the truth was WE loved all the good things about US. There were subtle signs of things I/YOU noticed but we didn't address them because YOU/I was the "ONE" and it didn't matter in the long run, so I/YOU thought. But now, I feel like your questions sound more like demands. YOU feel unappreciated and emotionally neglected. I feel like the sex is boring, YOU feel like the sex is just sex. Everything has now become a tug-of-war a power struggle to have things more the way I/YOU like them. Remember those cars we had in driving school back in the day with a set of controls for the instructor? Imagine this car is our relationship we both have steering wheels both have gas pedals and brakes we both have the ability to control where this relationship goes. So if I go left and you're on board with going left YOU don't have to touch the wheel WE simply go left. But if YOU want to go right and I don't want to go right, now we have a problem. However, there is a simple solution to this problem I can let you proceed right and SACRIFICE my want or I can grab my wheel and force it left. But now our car/relationship will be stuck. And this is exactly what happens. I/YOU refuse to sacrifice something that will now hinder our relationship from progressing and running like the well oiled new car it once was. The sacrifice has to be made willingly otherwise it is simply something I/YOU was forced to do and will resent later. WE have to make sure there is balance and the sacrifices don't become one-sided. The car must not constantly go in one direction without regard for the other. If only one person drives all the time there is really no need for the other to be there. Ultimately, WE are in control. WE are the ones to blame if WE start speeding towards the edge of the cliff. WE both have brakes in our car, if something isn't right WE have to stop and address the issue, or we can simply ride it out until we go over the cliff or the car dies!!!!!!!!!!!